Sunday, December 22, 2013

Christmas Letter 2013

Merry Christmas from us!
Larry still works hard, but plays a little less hard since his knee surgery. Although he's no longer tearing up the basketball court, he still rides his bike, drives the boat, and he's considering skiing again...soon. He teaches the gospel doctrine class Sunday School class.

I wear lots of different shoes...when I wear them. Since the girls left for college, I have little reason to leave the house. I threw myself into my writing and published 4 books this year. One has been an Amazon best seller for more than a month now. I also serve as the secretary in the stake relief society presidency (and when I do, I always wear shoes.)

Adam is an attorney for a firm specializing in international law. This means that he sometimes uses his Spanish for something other than reading the street signs in Rancho. He's the activities chairman in the singles ward.

Bethany wears mostly flip-flops to chase after her two boys, Chandler 6 and Sterling 3. They live in Las Vegas. I don't know what sort of shoes Brandon wears to work (he's a chiropractor.) Winston, the Westie, does not wear shoes, although he occasionally will wear sweaters.

Nathan and Shirley live work and play in Boulder, CO. Nathan graduated in Information Systems from BYU in the spring and started his own development company about a year ago. He's moving his rapidly growing business into an office in a few weeks, so his barefoot days are about over. They are expecting a baby boy in May.

Jared just returned from a study abroad program in China. He'll return to school in Provo in a few weeks where shoes will not be optional.

Natalie graduated from Tesoro last spring as a Valedictorian. She takes ridiculously hard classes and waffles between majoring in Diet and Nutrition and English Lit at BYU.

Miranda is no longer a thespian, but she did get a job working for the BYU broadcasting company so she's still in the industry. She's studying International Relations at BYU.

Although we're no longer all under the same roof, we are all following the same path and our Savior. We're so grateful for all the love in our lives and pray that all your days are holy, filled with love, laughter and glimpses of heaven.


Monday, May 6, 2013

The Scripture Experiment. Forgiving the Irksome



Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things. (Jacob 4:7)

I know that there must be a few people in your life that push all your wrong buttons. After a few minutes in their company, you are probably cranky. If you tell me that you know of no such button pusher, I will tell that you aren’t being honest with yourself. Why? Because the people that push our buttons are those that reflect our weaknesses. And if you tell me that you haven’t a weakness—I’ll remind you about that honesty problem.

As a child, if I found someone hurtful or unkind and I took that pain and injustice to my mom, her general response was to avoid that person. Which was difficult to do if that person happened to be your brother and you lived in a two bathroom house. The Barenaked Ladies (the band, not naked ladies in general) offer the same advice in their lyrics of Be My Oko Ono.
If there's someone you can live
Without,
Then do so.
And if there's someone you can
Just shove out,
Then do so.

And when this person isn’t sharing your space, your committee, your project, or your mother’s birthday cake, you can do this. And sometimes this is the only thing you can do. When you find a person is just best to be avoided because their behavior is toxic—do so. But generally, usually, all most always, the best advice to learn why and how someone pushes your seething buttons.

Why? Because you want to be Christlike and love everyone? Maybe. Or maybe your reasons are more selfishly motivated…maybe you want to ferret out all your own weaknesses, confront and destroy them so you can become a better person. Maybe you need to not only forgive that wretched button pusher—maybe you also need to forgive yourself, and you can’t do that unless you recognize you have a problem button waiting to be pushed.

So, here’s the exercise. Write a letter to your antagonizer.  Go ahead. Be mean. Tell them exactly what you dislike about them, how and why they rub your fur the wrong way. Be explicit on all the ways they can improve and why the world will be a much better place after they have followed your  instructions to the T.  This might take awhile…take your time…come back when you’re done.
Now, erase your antagonizer’s name and write in your own.  *

After you come to the horrible realization that you share your antagonizer’s flaws (and you must, otherwise they wouldn’t irk you so much) consider why he/she/you might do the things you do. Is the over the top, excessive perfectionism and micro managing really a deep seated fear of looking less than up to snuff? If so, look for opportunities to be a cheerleader, rather than a critic. Chances are, they are already their worst critic. Or is impatience? If they need to do things their way, right now—offer to help. Ask, what can I do to help you?

 I know this is hard because this was my week’s challenge. There is someone in my life that I can’t avoid who irks me. It had gotten to the point where I had begun to look for and expect slights and criticisms from her. Why? Mostly, I think, because I wanted the justification of disliking her. I did not want to like her. And this is not Christlike behavior.

Because I’m not sure I can be a helpful cheerleader on my own, the next time I have to interact with this person, I’m going to ask for heaven’s help. I’ll say a silent prayer that I can be kind. And maybe it will still be hard. But I believe in the scriptures that says:

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. (Isaiah 1:18)

With heaven's help (and maybe only with heaven's help) I can come one step closer to living that difficult commandment: 

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. (John 13:34)

* I borrowed this exercise from the Work of Byron Katie. The Work is a way of identifying and questioning the thoughts that cause all the anger, fear, depression, addiction, and violence in the world. Everything you need in order to do The Work is available free on her website http://www.thework.com/index.php

Friday, May 3, 2013

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Scripture Experiment. Life Foundations



http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/a-sure-foundation?lang=eng
 “Therefore, whoso heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, [which] built his house upon a rock—

“And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock.

“And every one that heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them not shall be likened unto a foolish man, [which] built his house upon the sand—

“And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Matthew 7:24–27

Building a life foundation at first seemed too big of a project to fit into a weeklong experiment, but as I considered my days and weeks, I found that I do have daily habits that serve as a foundation for how I live/cope and when those habits are ignored or forgotten my life can easily spin out of control. (In a moment I will give an example, because even when my daily habits are in place, life occasionally steps in and messes things up.)

Here is my typical morning routine:

6 a.m.    Prayer

Scripture study

7 a.m.    Household chores

8 a.m.    Exercise

9 a.m.    Shower/breakfast

I consider my day to begin at 9 a.m., because everything before that is pretty nonnegotiable. Looking back, I can’t remember when these patterns started. I do remember years when the scripture study happened during nap time and when I exercised in the evening when my husband came home, but for many years now, this is how I roll. Although, sometimes I exercise at 7 and the household chores are pushed to the end of the day.

This is my housekeeping schedule.

Monday               laundry

Tuesday               bathrooms

Wednesday        vacuum and dust

Thursday             groceries/errands

Friday                    yard work

Saturday              mop floors

Some things, like dinner and dishes, happen every day. And other things, like cleaning light fixtures and wiping out the inside of cupboards, happen rarely. But as long as I make an effort to see that these basics are not neglected, the dust bunnies stay tame. Of course, there were years where laundry was an everyday occurrence.

What does laundry and dust have to do with building a life foundation? Most of us are familiar with the quote:

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Does that mean my destiny is laundry and dust? No, it means that because I’ve conquered the laundry and dust I’m free to spend the rest of my day doing the things that I want to do.

My experiment for this week was to use a quiet moment at church to reflect on how I spent my week and what I could have done better.

Here’s an example of a day gone awry. At five p.m. on a Wednesday, the hour I usually think about starting dinner I realized that I hadn’t yet vacuumed. (Remember, this is Wednesday’s chore.) So, I sprinkle carpet fresh all over my house. The smell is horrific and as I vacuum, it only gets worse. I inspect my vacuum and discover a hole in the bag. I worry because I know I won’t be able to sleep with carpet fresh all over my floors and I also know that it’s too late to go to the Oreck store to buy a new bag. So I went to Target and while I’m frowning at their selection of vacuum bags, knowing that not one of them would fit my eight year old Oreck vacuum, I get a call reminding me that I had committed to drive a friend to physical therapy. I bought the most likely looking bag, drove my friend to her appointment, came home, threw a frozen pizza in the oven and looked for tape so I could jerry rig thhe bag and vacuum my carpets. Because of the vacuum emergency, I was late for my writers’ group. And in a bad mood. And more than a little nauseous from the carpet fresh fumes.

Was any of this a sin? No, of course not, but that particular Wednesday needed help. Maybe the wise man built his house upon a rock because rocks can be cared for by a broom. Imagine trying to vacuum a sandy floor. The exercise of considering how I intended to spend my week and how it actually came together will help me going forward to carefully consider how I use my days. And my days are the foundation of my destiny.


Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Scripture Experiment: A Life Chronicle


I want to share with you what I’m calling my Scripture Experiment. I’m taking a conference talk and giving myself a weekly challenge based upon the talk.

The first talk was President Packard’s.
I was touched by his life-long poem and decided to write not a poem, but a chronicle of my life. It surprised me how easily my life fell into these five year chapters. Each five years really did seem to comprise a chapter of my life, although some chapters and years were more eventful than others. It was interesting to look back, review and realize that even though circumstances have changed—I am still, at heart, the person I’ve always been and that the person I was 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago is still here. My body has matured, but so has my spirit and like President Packard, I can’t regret the maturation, because each life chapter and lesson has taught me things I needed to learn.
I love this scripture:
 Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.
As I’ve gotten older my life has grown more and more peaceful. My house is quiet. I’m not as busy. My days are my own to live as I choose.
I have a wonderful life, and by looking back at these chapters, I realize that it’s been a wonderful life all along.